Bad Day Today

Having a bad day today.  Cried most of the way to work this morning. Was thinking about Rodney, I always think about him, but this time I was thinking about all the questions I had about what happened.  Answers I want to know.  Answers I will never know.  I know it's crazy, but I wonder if he knew when it happened.  It he is aware now that he passed.  Does he know how much I miss him?  How much I love him.  Does he know anything?  This is were faith comes into play.  Your beliefs.  My beliefs are shaken right now.  I don't know what to believe.  I am mad.  Mad at God.  Mad at the universe.  Mad at the powers that be.  I'm really hurting right now.